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Was heading for the mess hall in clg for lunch. Reached, saw that the subji for the day was 'Tinda'(or the Indian round gourd). A friend behind, looked as disgusted as me. I just turned around to him nd said, "Wtf is this man !" To this he replied "You dont know what this is? This is 'Tinda' my friend, 'gay'ziabad's exotic vegetable 'tinda'. Come on, lets dig in and tingle our taste buds."

Oh how much i laughed :)

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What's the deal with ‘cubicles’ and ‘cute chicks’? Why is it that in a regular office cubicle(generally has 4, sometimes 6 or 8 computers or 'workstations' as they call it here), there's always a crowd around the cute chick's comp !! So many weird things happen if there's a cute chick in the cubicle. The boss visits the cubicle some 20 odd times in a day asking her about the work progress(makes flirtatious remarks/comments at every possible chance), she's the first one to get a cup of tea from the pantry-boy(when he's on his rounds distributing tea in the office), there's always someone ready to give her a ride(even if she doesn’t want one), mails forwarded to the entire team have special mentions to her, her shiny costumes cry for attention and her desk phone rings more number of times than the average blue whale's sperm count. No, this is not just a one off thing that i just have happened to notice at one place, but a consistent truth that has emerged out of a culmination of many observations from different places.

We very well know that right from primary school, guys like to show off and impress gals and gals appreciate these efforts and reciprocate by showering giggles, blushes, sheepish smiles and dialogues like 'how sweet', 'cho chweet', 'so nice of you', 'will you buy me that chocolate?', 'I am happy that you like my nail polish', 'I'm still a virgin'...blah blah blah.

Let me elaborate on the current cubicle scenario that has been pissing me off off-late. There r 6 supposed 'workstations' within the cubicle, two of them occupied by pretty senior people(lets call them senior1 and senior2). Other than them, there is one semi-cute chick who sits to my right and one semi-old lady who sits next to this female. The remaining two positions in the cubicle have been assigned to newbies, me and another guy from Mumbai.

Senior1 is always busy answering mails from morning till evening, the guy doesn’t even take coffee breaks. Senior2 is always on moneycontrol.com praying that the Sensex doesn’t crash any further. He sometimes does take part in the group discussions and throws a joke or two (bad ones though). The semi-old lady doesn’t bother much, just comes, puts on her headphones, logs onto yahoo and minds her own business. We being the newbies, just have to read about techie stuff all day, be it JAVA or COM or VC++ or DICK--. Its the semi-cute chick(lets call her 'Phoolan') who is the cause of all disturbance and distraction in this cubicle.

Be it the 11 am tea-break or the 1 pm lunch break or the 3:45 tea break or the 5:45 end-of-day break, people(read: 24-28 year old jobless deadly-despo guys) begin to huddle around Phoolan's comp, asking her all sorts of silly questions and bugging her. They come ask her about her pet cat; whether she uses a sunscreen lotion or not; why she doesn’t wear that 'star-shaped' bindhi anymore ; why is the moon white in color; if the cock screws the hen, who has sex with the rooster?.....and all sorts of dumb nitwittish questions.

Now, Phoolan, who loves every bit of this attention that she's getting, takes care of these situations very well. She just nods her head and gives a dumb smile in reply to all of these questions, and that somehow does the trick. These numbskull guys dont even listen to the answer as long as there is a smile attached with it. They're content with the fact that they cud make a semi-cute gal smile with their witty (read: shitty) comments.

Senior1 and senior2 do sometimes come to the rescue by interrupting this nonsense. The semi-old lady sits quiet, real jealous of the attention that Phoolan gets all the time, but she doesn’t do much about it. Methinks that she must be having the "What's she got that I aint got!" inferiority complex, and that someday, we may find Phoolan hanging upside down and unconscious, on the cafeteria ceiling.(**evil grin**)

I knew from the day that I joined this job that an IT job was no walk in the park, that it would have its set of difficulties. But never did I imagine a hindrance of this variety. As a last resort, I'm thinking of sending Phoolan an email like this....

"Hi. I am a relatively quiet person who appreciates a bit of peace and calm near his desk. The people who come and crowd around your desk are desperately trying to hit on you(if you dint know this already). You are inadvertently leading them on(if you dint know this already). I'd suggest that you carry with you a bottle of "get away from me you arse" spray(keeps away despos for life) or have two cards(one red and one green), in your pocket. Flash the red card(soccer style) at every imbecile who comes near your desk and whom you dont like. That way, you can reduce the crowd around your (and my) desk. The other thing that you can do is to shift your own desk to the rooftop, so that these idiots can give you company there during each of the breaks during the day."



Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: High hopes - Pink Floyd

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After two months of being in a new job in a new city, I was gonna have my first break. Was on my way to the bus station to board an APSRTC 'Hi-tech' semi-sleeper to goto Hyd(home sweet home). I made a brief halt at a stall outside the bus station to buy some mineral water and snacks for the trip. The moment i turned around to head for my bus, a beggar stood in my way. He had his palms stretched out and gave me the 'I am a poor guy, give me something' look.

In a hurry, I just told him - "Sorry, mere paas dene ke liye kuch nahin hai".("Sorry, I have nothing to give").To which he replied - "Kya saab, khaane ke liye khaana hai, peene ke liye paani hai, aur aap bolthe ho ki kuch nahin hai".("You have food to eat and water to drink, and you go on to tell me that you have nothing"). For a moment, I was stunned, but dint react and headed for the bus stop.

A few friends from another software company(read:Lynch-fosys) who were boarding another bus in the same station came to meet me.

Friend1 (f1) - You've not just put on weight, you've put on volume dude !
Me- Yea, one of the many plus points of being in a software job.
Friend 2 (f2) - Hows your job?
Me- Training just got over. They're screwing us so much and paying us so little.
f1 - Same here da. I am neck deep in debts.
Me- What did you do to get yourself into this mess.
f1 - Well, bought an iPod. A digi-cam for my sis, an MP3 player for my cousin and finally bought a bike for 60K.
f2 - Even I'm thinking of getting a Blackberry and a lappy soon.
Me- Oh my. and you say you're getting paid less.
f1 - Dont tell me that you dont have any such plans.
Me- Well yes. Have to fulfill a big wishlist that's waiting for me at home.
f1 - And you say you have 'very little'.

Even though that friend told the last line in passing, it really did ring a bell. Why did i crib about not getting paid well? Why could'nt i see the comforts that the new job had provided me with, the purchasing power that it gave me(I mean, it is after all,a 5 figure salary, even if its on the lower half of the lower side, it still is reasonable).

I get to Hyd, take an auto from the bus station. The afternoon traffic being on the high side, the auto had to move at a snail's pace for a long time. There was a hug traffic jam at a place, the reason for the jam was the installation of digital meters for all the autos in the city.

Me- Is there only one place in the city where this installation is being done?
Auto driver (AD) - Hau saab. Look at the number of autos that are parked in and around the area. It took me two days to get a meter for my auto.
Me- That's very wrong. But its good in a way that proper digital meters are there in all autos.
AD - Kya saab. how much will an auto fellow cheat a customer with a tampered meter. 'Ek rupiye pe bees paise bhi nahin bantha saab'.
Me- At least you ppl speak of meters here. There in bangalore, its all flat rates. they charge such high rates and they wont take a customer if he's goin for a short distance.
AD - Wahi saab. Auto driving has become very cheap in people's eyes nowadays. Think of it from our perspective once. We never eat on time, we dont get to spend any time with our families, stand in queues all night at the gas filling stations. With the soaring petrol and gas prices, what will we get from the fare that you pay us by the meter. How do you think we should live without getting that little extra. And once I drop you off, you think i'll immediately get a customer. I'll surely have to go another 2-3 kilometers without a customer. How do you think we people should run families with lives like this saab....

These small conversations made me a have new perspective on what all 'I have' and have taken for granted thus far.

Reminds me of a line from a Phil Collins song - "Oh think twice. It's just another day for you and me in paradise."

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Bent -Matchbox Twenty

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cute girl and loafer are good friends. They meet up at a coffee shop one day.

Cute girl - Hey, you’ve put on weight.

loafer - Yea, must be from all the beer I guzzled last night at Lolita’s party. So, how have u been?

Cute girl - (with a glowing smile) I got a job in ‘lynch-fosys’.

loafer - Yeyy, party.

Cute girl - for u, its always a party. Have u ever footed a single bill !

loafer - what to do re. I am jobless na :( And dad has stopped giving me pocket money. Says “you’re 22 now, go earn your own money”.

Cute girl - Alright then. This time, its on me…..anyways, what else is new, mister 22 ?

loafer - Nothing baap. Just loafing around. Hey, let me ask you something. I just got an ugly stare from a girl while I was on my way here.

Cute girl - Did you ogle at her?

loafer - I took just as much as peek at her and then changed direction to look at the traffic signal.

Cute girl - Are you sure you dint give her a prolonged look.

loafer - Alrite. Yes, I did look for more than a second or two. But it was’nt that gulshan grover’s ‘bad man’ look or the prem chopra’s ‘aaja chamiya’ look either. It was an innocent appreciation of nature’s beauty in human form.

Cute girl - Aahh…see there you go.

loafer - What? … are’nt guys allowed take as much as an innocuous look at cute females. She looked really pretty in that black salwar with the make up and the jewels. Had I been in the same situation in a telugu film (me being the hero with my sidekick nearby), I’d have said to him “She’s the one. I am in love”. But its so sad that we’re stuck in reality where the pretty girl gives you a ‘you useless fellow’ stare and walks away.

Cute girl - You deserved it. Why should you even fix a look on a stranger!

loafer - Why? Why cant guys look at girls whom they think are pretty. Why do women then take all the trouble? They sport such immaculate dresses and adorn kilos of make up even when they’ve to goto the supermarket to buy rat-poison.

Cute girl - You see…you’re right in a way. We do dress up and look all pretty so that we are looked at. But we want to be looked at only by those guys whom we want to notice us. We don’t want any and every guy to go around staring at us. Who would want that, tell me.

loafer - Let me get this clear. You want to be looked at, but not by the entire guy-community. You want to be looked at by those select few smart n handsome guys only. It is only their attention that you want to attract.

Cute girl - Exactly. That’s what we want.

loafer - Why how is that possible.

Cute girl - That’s what na. but we manage to get what we want. we use our icy stares and glares to avoid stupid gazes from every ram, karthik and chary.

loafer - My god…..no wonder that no one knows what you ppl want….am far from it….I am gonna start wearing sunglasses from now on, so that I don’t get those icy stares anymore.

Cute girl - Good for you :)

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I am a cheerful and instinctive guy, go by my gut feeling more often than not coz I don’t like to stress the only nerve that’s there in my brain, with too much thinking. Am a bit easy going, happy go lucky and to put it in typical hyd-ie lingo, I ‘take lite’. Boletho, I tend to take things as they come(move on with life) and that I don’t get angry/disappointed/down easily. No, this is’nt an Orkut profile’s ‘about me’ section that I am trying to fill up here. But there surely are two questions which whenever asked make my only nerve swell to twenty four times its normal size! I’ve been troubled by these two questions all thru my life so far, its like they’re two living entities brought into this world to torment me wherever I go. Well, the two questions are

1.What are you doing now ?

2.What are you going to do next/after this ?

Let me see how I answered/should have answered these questions at different stages of my 21 year life thus far.

Primary school

1. What are you doing now son/beta?
This question used to have a ready answer back then. Just tell them that you’re in school and that was all. Generally, no further second line of questioning would ensue, apart from the occasional ‘Did you stand first in class?’ or ‘Are you still scoring a centum in math?’

2.What are you going to do after this?
Well, this seemed a fascinating question back in those days. These were my usual answers
“Am gonna save lots of my pocket money, buy a truck and become a truck driver.”
“Am thinking of robbing Sharma uncle’s Master-card, taking a flight to Sweden and buying the world’s biggest chocolate.”
“Am gonna watch DD-8 all evening everyday, learn about fertilizers and become a farmer.”

I got a lot of attention coz of my innocent yet quirky answers, which I did like to a certain degree.

Secondary school
1. What are you doing now?
Still the same answer. It worked wonders.

2. What are you going to do after this?
The same answers dint seem to work in the same way :( People began to give stares, glares and told me to get serious. Was told to get an ambition, to have a goal, a vision, a Nintendo Game-boy (oops no, but I did think of getting one for myself :) ). Anyways, then began my search for that elusive ambition, that one quirky and intelligent answer which would get me back the attention I used to get. Those were testing times. Any answer I gave, always followed with it, a complicated second line of questions which I never had any clue about. I used to just nod when the very people who used to ask those questions gave the answers and asked me to think a little more. Well, lets be fair, I was still a kid. I loved playing my video games, my gully cricket and watching my cartoons on tv. I loved quizzing but that was all. I dint have any ambition. But I was too apprehensive to tell this to anyone. Always stuck to the same “I wanna be an architect” or “I wanna be an air-host” crap whenever asked.

Before professional college
After school, I was made to choose the science stream, but I had no qualms. Anything was ok with me. Was made to prepare for the barrage of engineering entrance examinations (I dint know why I was doing what I was doing) and finally, I managed to enter the engineering stream.

1. What are you doing now?
“Well, I have just completed my intermediate (+2). I dint get thru to IIT. Wrote another exam for a certain DA-IICT in gandhinagar and will take admission there.”

This used to be followed by so many irritating comments. “Oh! Dhirubhai Ambani institute ehh. You’re future is secure with Reliance now.”...... “That old man has created a fantastic empire!”...... “Will you be able to study in gandhinagar? I mean, its so far away, how will you go?”

Irrespective of the comment, I used to nod my head and give a rising smile which usually made the other person think that I actually applauded/approved of his comment and he/she used to stop pestering me further.

2. What are you going to do next?
By this time, even though I’d realized that it was no longer possible to be a farmer or a truck driver, I also realized that I dint know what I wanted to do next (and that was kinda perplexing at times). So I thought of doing what we as Indians do best – ‘follow the crowd’. Yea, I wanted to be a software engineer now, like every other gult and tam in town. I was gonna top in all my engineering courses, become a deadly programmer and own Microsoft by the age of 30. Somehow, this answer seemed to please many of my admirers.

After professional college
Realization dawns that I aint fit to be an engineer, but somehow have graduated to become a farzi-neer. Somehow managed to get a first class and get out of that hell hole alive.

1. What are you doing now?
“You remember the long breaks one has between major jumps during one’s student life, the after-10th grade holidays, the after-12^th grade holidays? I am having a similar massive 4 month holiday now. Am doing nothing, absolutely nothing and I am loving every minute of it.” Well, this hasn’t gone down very well with many. All they say is “how is it that you are not doing anything? People are flying off to the U.S, joining jobs, opening brothels…but they’re doing something!”
Oh yeah. I’m doing something alrite. I’m taking car-driving lessons. Even though I’ve almost driven the test vehicle into an open drain twice till now, my instructor is dead sure that I will get my license to kill by next Monday. Also, I’ve created an aromatic oil. Some of my coconut oil fell into an open pineapple jam jar accidentally and the rest is history. It’s a got a refreshing smell. You shud try it.

2. What are you going to do next?
Have a job to join in a month now. And yea, I am still following the crowd. No. I am not rushing off to the U.S coz its become more like India than India itself. Am being made to write all these management institute entrance exams coz my well-wishers think I am brainy. My current answer to this question is “I am thinking of doing an MBA from a top b-skool” - which again seems to go well with the people.


But actually, I still don’t know what to do. I don’t have an ambition. Is it a curse? I’ve done reasonably well so far without one. Is it a blessing in disguise?

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Well, I have this habit of switching languages during a conversation. One sentence will be in English, the other in hindi, the next in telugu and the very next in the hyderabadi ‘kaiku’ slang lang. I can’t help it, it’s become a habit. I’ve grown up in an extremely cosmopolitan surrounding and this lang-switch is one of the prominent observed side-effects. A college friend of mine (a purist in many ways), once heard me have a multi-lango conversation with my brother on the phone and was astonished to say the least. “You never stuck to one single language. You kept changing it every sentence. Your bro must be having a tough time understanding whatever u had to say. Wait till I tell this to everyone in the group, they’ll pull your leg till you leave college” (which they apparently did, but its only now when I’ve left college that I realize how much I miss the fun of all those leg-pulling sessions).

Anyways, I’ve come to observe another very prevalent speaking pattern amongst different age groups, which is much more harmful and harder to understand when compared to my multi-lango syndrome. It’s the use of ‘Minglish’. Well, this is a term I’ve coined, and its gonna take some time defining it completely. But here’s a short description of what Minglish is. You see, there are some ppl who involuntarily think in regional languages(mostly their mother tongues) and translate their thought out in English while speaking. Now the problem is that not many of them take the trouble to semantically transform the thought into English before giving it out, they just take the thought in the regional language, replace each word with the closest possible match in English and then blurt it out. The result is a hotch-potch lingo which gets very hard to digest for any purist or a lover of the language. Some use it because they feel speaking in English enhances their position in a group (I call them bloody dumb fuck wannabes). There are others who are forced to speak English as a part of protocol( in offices, schools etc – my sympathies with them). And there are these others who just speak English for the heck of it. People of all ages are using Minglish inadvertently. I hear it wherever I go. It’s hilarious most of times.

Let me give you a few examples of Minglish and how prevalent it is (in hyd atleast).

Was on my way to a temple in a bus when I observed two college going guys talking to each other.
First guy : hey, when does the matinee show in Tivoli theater start ?
Second guy : Now only rey !! We’ll have to go quickly. ( the thought : In hindi – ‘abb heeech shuru hora rey’)

Was in a restaurant, was waiting for my order to be served. It had already been a half an hour and I was getting impatient. I called the waiter and said -
Me : Excuse me. Have you forgotten my order.
Waiter : No saaaaab. For such a biiiig order, it takes some time no. If you cant wait for that much time also, then what I can do, tell me! ( the thought : In hindi – “nahin sahib. Bade order ke liye thoda waqt lagtha naa. Uthna bhi sabar nahin kar sakthe aap toh main kya kar saktha hoon aap hi boliye !” )

A 22+ female who has just reached the US writes this scrap to her brother who is back here in India. – “Hey bro, take my number. It is 0091-xxxx…. And I tried so much to call your phone. You dint pick up only!!!”. ( the thought : In hindi – “ktina try kiya, tumne uthaaya hi nahin !” )

Was dropping my cousin sister off to school (she’s a fourth grader) when we had this small conversation.
Me : Hey, look at that girl there. You should have long hair like her.
Sis : Whyyyyie ?? My hair is not big aaaa ? (the word she thought in her thought : telugu word – ‘kadha’ or the tamil word – ‘illaya’ )

The movie ‘The Angrez’ has this character called lakshmi who talks pure Minglish. Here’s one of her dialogues.
Lakshmi - “Arey smitha, don’t go even near those NRI boys. When I went to their room no, they were doing something something!” ( the thought : In telugu – “arey smitha, aa NRI poragalla deggara kuda vellaku. Valla room ki vellanu kadha, appudu vallu yememoo chestunnaru !” or as we popularly say in hyd – “woh logaan kya kya ki kar rahe the udhar !!” )

Me and my frens from college use the ‘–off ’ language a lot.
Come off rey ! (the thought : In hindi – “aaja rey” ) - the word ‘off’ is used just to fill the blank space in the thought.
Lets smoke some fags off rey!
Is that switch on? Off it off rey!

I call my bro up to tell him to tell mom that I’d be watching a movie and eating outside in the night. He responds in this way - “Arey kaka. Don’t do langa works like this. Come home straight !!”. ( the thought : In telugu – “arey kaka, ilaanti langa panulu emi cheyyaku. seedha intiki raa” )

A school teacher, while checking homework books said this. “hey boy. Quickly, open your this one and show me your that one !!!”. (the intention – “open your bag and show me your homework book” :D )

A telugu movie called “Aaha” has this sequence where Chandramohan talks to a deaf old chap during a death ceremony.

Old guy : do you know how she died ?
ChMhn : ya, she died of heart attack it seems. ( the thought : In telugu – “heart attack vachhi poyindhi anta” )
Old guy (hasnt heard the previous sentence) : There must be some reason for such a sudden death. Do you know the reason ?
ChMhn : ‘That reason only’ i am trying to tell you sir!!! ( the thought : In telugu – “adhe reason cheppadaaniki prayathnam chestunna sir” )

A new dictionary needs to come out with well defined meanings for the “now only”s,“that only”s, “come off”s,“this one”s and “that one”s.

I myself might have used some Minglish while writing this post, if I have, please do forgive me. I do tend to get a bit involved while writing. After all, even writing is a translation of thought into form, and it isn’t always that we think in English, do we ;)


Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: Dirty deeds - AC DC

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When it found him,
it was all dusty and drab.
Was going through his archives,
when he stumbled upon it.

It had a certain shine about it,
there was this certain gleam, an unexplainable glitter.
As he wiped the dust off it,
a whiff of numbness ensued.

It put him to wonder,
was this the same person ?
had it been so long?
could things have changed so fast?
‘Time heals’, was what he had firm belief in,
but all that seemed so trivial,
with this dark flash of memory.

Such a beautiful creation of nature;
he had wished she were his to be.
Composure eluded him for a moment,
and it was only a little later;
he realized why he had kept the photo,
in the place where it had been kept.
Never could he possibly fathom,
that just a picture could wreak such mindly havoc.

There was’nt a need to remember the good times,
the bad times outweighed them hands down.
There wasn’t a need to remember,
that she wasn’t here with him,
that things could have turned for the better,
that he could have taken the first step,
that she could have tried to understand
what his animated eyes had to say,
that….it really seemed endless.

Then came a voice from within
‘you’re yet to get over her. This will just make it harder’.

And so he put it back,
in the place where it so rightly belonged,
amidst the cobwebs and moth shells,
with the thought of never looking at it again.



Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: I cant explain - The Who

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On a moonlit night, Chris was walking through the dense shrubbery within the confines of his college campus. He dint know why he was walking, where he was walking, for how long he had walked. He dint want the day to end, it had been so smooth and good all through. He had just finished eating a delicious sizzler at brajwashi’s. He had seen ‘Before sunrise’ and ‘Before sunset’ back to back, and it had felt real good. He had found his precious ‘Real Madrid’ football jersey (he thought he’d lost it) while cleaning his room. His Btech project mentor was happy with the progress he had made. His mom had called up in the morning to tell him that they had planned a trip to Goa in another three weeks time, as soon as he got back home. She had also told him that another 5 K had been deposited in his Syndicate account. Now that his college days were coming to an end (just left with 2 weeks that’s all), he was all thrilled about the various ways in which he could spend so much money in such little time. He had 14 days. The already existing 2K plus another 5K in the bank. He was beside himself with joy. Shoes, liquor, hard disk, novels…..blah, the list was endless. He could do whatever he wanted. Finally, he was going to become an engineer. After 4 years of college, it was all going to get over just in a flash. Life at DA-IICT was fun. He began to think of all the golden moments, a few embarrassing ones did come to mind instantly.

As he wandered through the bushes, he wondered how he’d miss college so much. Lost in thought, he said aloud “I wish these days in college would never end”. Unaware of the water pipe in front, he tripped on it and fell to the ground with a big thud. He got up only to find that he’d lost a tooth. As he got up and regained his composure, a very very pretty girl was standing in front of him. She had wings on her back, had a wand in her hand a velvety conical hat to top it all off. It seemed as though she’d just returned from a fancy dress competition or a fashion parade. Chris was smitten by her beauty but there was this one part of him that wanted to laugh the hell out. There was one other part that was still writhing in pain, he’d lost a canine tooth and chipped another pre-molar.

Chris – hi. Who are you ?
Very very pretty girl – I am a fairy.
Chris (rubs his eyes, pinches his thighs, screws his ears) – what ???
Fairy – Yes. I’m a fairy. Why, is it so hard to believe ? doesn’t my attire give it out ?
Chris(still writhing in pain and astounded) – cool. But what makes you appear in front of me at this godforsaken hour?
Fairy (smiles) – I am not just any ordinary fairy. I’m the ‘tooth fairy’ :) . ‘Holy Godmother’ has given me the job of collecting teeth from the Gandhinagar area for this week. You lost an important tooth and I happened to be flying nearby.
Chris – I’m sorry, but I cant help you find it. It’s too dark here.
Tooth Fairy – Don’t worry, I already have it in my pocket.
Chris - But is that it! You came here coz of the tooth ? What a lame job for such a pretty girl.
Tooth Fairy – Yeah! But there’s something in it for you. Now that you’ve lost a tooth, I’m gonna grant one wish of yours.
Chris – wait wait. lemme think. I don’t want to waste it. can I have some time to think.
Tooth Fairy – No no. you’ve already asked for a wish.
Chris – When did I wish for anything ?
Tooth Fairy – You made a wish just before you tripped and broke your tooth.
Chris(thinks for a few seconds) – aaaah! Yes, I did dint I !!! I really wish these days would never end. It may seem a tough wish to fulfill, but you’re a tooth fairy, you can manage it right !

Tooth Fairy (***devilish smile***) – Certainly… You wish these days not to end. They never will.

All of a sudden, the pretty girl turned into a two winged, four legged, five ass-ed monster and started to laugh at Chris. It said “you’re dead meat punk ! This wish is gonna hurt you real bad”. Saying this it flew away and disappeared in a jiffy. Chris was just plain dumbstruck. He got back to the hostel, dint think much about what had happened and just went to sleep.

He woke up the next morning with a slight headache, the chipped tooth still ached. With the brush in hand, he left his room in search of the elusive toothpaste tube (sometimes its tough to even find a single paste filled tube in one whole hostel wing). Just then, his btech project partner Mandy came running down the corridor all panting.

Chris – what’s the matter ? why are u so perplexed ?
Mandy – Idiot ! today was the last day to submit the project report. I couldn’t wake you up so went to our mentor all by myself.
Chris – My presence wouldn’t have mattered much. Anyway, you did submit the report right ?
Mandy – Uhhhh..not exactly. Our mentor dint accept it. All of a sudden , he’s turned into a psycho kinda guy. Don’t know what’s happened to him over-night ! He's started telling that the work we’ve done is hardly enough. Says that we have to stay here for the entire summer, that means another 3 months !!!
Chris – wtf???? Let me go talk to him once.
Mandy – I am not going there again. Have had enough for one day.

Chris marched to his professor’s office, with a whole lot of questions in mind. He entered the room, to see that the prof was watching some photo album.

Chris – Good morning err..afternoon sir. Is that your family album ?
Professor – Yes.
Chris – Sir, about the project…..
Professor – I’ve already talked about it with Mandy. I wont entertain any more questions.
You’re staying here for the summer. That’s final !!!!

Saying this, he slammed the album in his hand onto the table which was between the both of them. Chris managed to have a good look at one of the pictures. He had seen the female in the photo sometime before, but wasn’t able to recollect. Since he could ask no questions about the project, he went ahead and asked

Chris - Sir, whose the girl in this photo?
Professor (gives him a stare) – That’s my daughter. She’s studying abroad.

They talked for a while, but Chris wasn’t able to get out of doing an extra 3 months in college. He stormed out of the prof’s office. He was angry. Suddenly he dint start to like his college that much. The professors and their massive California-sized ego’s, the military like discipline system, the sheer autocracy of the profs with no authority above to dictate to them, the stupid water pipe which chipped his tooth. , all of them started to get to him. He wished his stint at college would end soon and he’d get out of this place. Then he sat back and thought, why did all this happen?

In a flash, he remembered. That girl whom he’d seen in the photo album was none other than the Tooth Fairy. HOLY FCUK !!! It all came back to him. The wish that he had made. The devilish grin of the fairy and then her turning into a monster. It ran in their family. He could see the same smile all the mouths in that pic.He clenched his fist, and hit his own right thigh real hard saying “I knew it !!! I've been tricked. Why at all did I make such a wish ??”. Only after he had hit his thigh did he realize that he’d broken the ATM card that was in the right pocket. Now he’d have to goto Sector-16 each time he’d have to withdraw money. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He screamed in agony “ When will these days end ??? I wanna get out of here.” Then came a sound from the background “NEVER NEVER NEVER !!! hahahahahaaaaa”.

Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Atif - Kuch Is Tarah

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If the title gives you an impression that I may be referring to people who drink vegetable and fruit juices, then you’re really uber-creative and are using 99% of the right side of your brain. I am trying to point out the section of boozers/drinkers who happen to be vegetarians. Yeah, may be this is a very small sized sect amidst the vast number of flesh-gobbling alcoholics. But that doesn’t mean that they be treated any differently from the majority. Why is it so weird when someone hears that you consume alcohol but not meat. I happen to belong to this puny group of veggie drinkers and have had a few strange experiences. Two very recent instances come to mind. I had been to Goa for a week, went along with a huge group of college fellas, not all friends, but bearable people on the whole(with the one exception of the G-man :P ).

The day we landed, a couple of us decided to hit a bar close to our abode. It looked a pretty shady place, with benches like the ones we are used to seeing in Classes 4 and 5 in our schools. The liquor was damn cheap, which is what made us stay and have a booze session there. Started off with a couple of Peter Scot Scotch pegs and then came the time when the appetizers had to be ordered. I happened to ask the bar guy in Hindi

Me : Bhaiya, appetizers mein kya milega ?

Bar guy : hain ??? looks all puzzled

Me : khaane ke liye dry items kya hai ?

Bar guy : sab kuch milega. Mutton, chicken, fish…tum ko kya mangtha hai ?

Me : kuch vegetarian nahin hai kya ?

Bar guy : nahin bhaiya, kuch nahin. Sirf ‘lehar kurkure’ packets hain.

While the others were busy giving their fleshy orders, the fish being the popular choice; I was just plain sad. Why did have to be a veggie :( So, just went ahead and ordered 2 packs of kurkure. Yeah, the liquor was cool, but it would have been so much better had I had something more decent to eat !

On the last day, we happened to dine at a place close to Kolva beach ( apparently its called the ‘White sand’ beach, but duhh….The sand was as wheatish as any of the other beaches I’d been to). Well, the restaurant had a roof-top dining place which was purely vegetarian along with a fully air-conditioned bar cum non-vegetarian hall right below the roof-top joint. I wanted to scoff some Fosters beer, so joined the gang that went downstairs to the non-veg hall coz it had the bar. The waiter took the order from our table and it took him two sheets to jot down all the prawns, chicken and mutton we ordered. When it was my turn to order –

Me : Ek Veg.Hyderabadi biriyani, aur ek Fosters beer bhi add kar deejiye.

Waiter : Sir, vegetarian items upar ke floor mein milenge, yahan pe sirf non-veg hai !

Me : Yeh kya hai, mere ko beer peene ke liye phir neeche aana padega kya ?

Waiter : haan sir.

I was just plain dumbstruck. This was blasphemy, this was madness. I visualized the waiter telling me “This isn’t madness, this is GOA !!!”. Well, I did somehow manage to get my order downstairs, but was made fun of by all ma group guys. “Why cant you eat chicken like the rest of us bey…You don’t reach the top of the food chain to eat leaves and grass. Devour animals dude, that’s the fad !” – was the mock-comment of the day. It surely put me thinking, may be booze and meat do go together. Do I give up being a veggie, or do I give up booze. Nah, cant leave booze, but being a supposed Brahmin, cant give up being a vegetarian too. May be one day, I’ll set up a bar cum restaurant which is purely vegetarian ! But that’s a long way away. For the time being, I need to be content with being the odd man out in our alco-outings :( ‘O lord god, hope thou art listening’ :D

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Well, this is a test for my memory than anything else. Am gonna try and list a few ‘lesser noticed first’s’ (which’ve been equally memorable) tht I’ve had.


First time I got angry with God -
When the cable connection at home stopped working and I thought it was god’s way of punishing me for watching too much TV. Stopped praying for a week, then all was normal again :D

First solid punch -
Class 4, gave the guy a black eye, he cud’nt open it for two days straight !

First video game cassette -
76 – in – One (was just awesome )

First road accident -
Class 6. Rammed my bicycle into a 50+ woman, got a tight slap and was told to go home.

First ‘Girl next door’ -
Anu

First toffee I gave to this girl -
Melody

First public apology -
Class 7, was made to apologize to a bunch of girls in front of the entire class, for givin them terrible nick-names.

First five wicket haul in a gully cricket match -
Vasavi nagar colony versus Jupiter colony
Got a 5 for 32 in 6 overs :)

First time I touched meat (I’m a baapan, so it’s a rare event) -
Took a piece of pork out of a friend’s lunch box and threw it on a girl’s lap…the rest was history ! Got major bangings :)


First website -
cafe-flesh.com ;)

First website with dad sitting by my side -
espnstar.com :P

First major punishment -
Was made to wear a marigold frock for a day ! :((

First ‘girl gifted’ book -
Catch – 22 – Joseph heller


First ‘gifted to girl’ book -
The World Atlas – Orient Longman


First alcoholic beverage -
Knock-out beer

First cigarette -
Insignia


First match box used to light that cigarette -
AIM matches

First game to have ruined my acads (and may be the last) -
No prizes guessing…..Counter Strike

First major scolding by the entire family -
Was 10 I think. Was at my cousin’s wedding, put the wedding ring in my pocket and dint give it back until everyone got into the ‘frantically searching’ mode !

Well, got bored- a product of an idle mind. Can think of many more, but dint want this post to be too lengthy :P

Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Lift me -Poets of fall

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When I read the title, what comes to my mind first is the classic “well-left” that Rahul Dravid showcases when he faces a ball that pitches outside off-stump and swings away. Kya technique hai baap; the way he elaves the ball, enviable to say the least. Guess this is’nt a good time to remind anyone about Indian cricket, with the huge world cup debacle (where the Pepsi Ad slogan “Hoo haa India!!!” became “Ghar jaa India!!!” even before most of the Indian supporters could reach the Carribean). Losing to B’desh ! How can you?? These bloody cricketers are swimming in money, advertising for every new shampoo, hair oil, battery, biscuit, chocolate, bust-cream and Vibrator in town. And the media is no big help, keeping our cricketers at such a high pedestal ! What made me go nuts was a comment from Navjot Sidhu just before the “Ind vs Sri Lanka” match. He went on air (may be on NDTV, am not sure) saying “An optimist is one who thinks that bullshit is fertilizer”. Lets dissect this comment literally first. He equates the current Indian position to bullshit [ roflol =)) , I personally had a huge laugh, coz I’m sort-of anti-India] and then asks them to use it as a fertilizer. Yes, these fellas should be sent to rural internships like we were sent to (back in first year); and be made to plough lands and spread dung all over the fields(their faces too, if possible) with their bare hands. Ok, even if we do take the figurative meaning of the comment which asks the Indian team to be positive, that they will win over Sri Lanka; how in the hell can that happen. You cant lose to a bunch of Horlicks drinking school kids and club players in one match; and expect yourself to be supremely confident of winning over a side with pro’ly one of the best bowling attacks of this World Cup; and that too in the same week (within a span of 5 days)!!!

Anyways, this isn’t the main intent behind this post. Just got carried away coz of the unbelievable un-understandable cricket mania/hysteria which just doesn’t seem to die in this country, despite the repeated failures. Can safely say that our Indian team is consistently inconsistent (God I love saying this whenever India loses; and all at home can do nothing but give me an icy stare). It’s high-time we ppl “well left”-ed this sport for some other one, or for some other goddamn activity. I’d suggest a good doze of Basketball. Man! It’s one exhilarating sport, awesssomely fast paced and one where the team coach actually does matter (is pivotal in fact!). Soccer comes next on my suggestion list. Anything’s ok, but for the sake of God/Christ/Buddha/Mahavira/Allah , just do something to divert your attention and money from Cricket. Pull these assholes down to earth, from the seventh heavens where they’re happily nestling and displaying their endorsed shampoos, kesh-kala hair creams and blah…

A point should come where the cricketers realize, that either they’ll have to “well-left” their ad campaigns and play gr8 cricket, or the faithful Indian supporter will just “well-left” watching Indian cricket ( in such a way that even Dravid will admire the “well-left” ) . “Desamuduru”, an exceedingly irritating gult movie seems to have benefited greatly by the Indian debacle at the WC. Apparently, it’s hit the second all-time high collections at the B.O :P. This is just the beginning. We must, MUST ignore the cricketers until they perform to our expectations. The ignorance and rejection should be such that there should come a time when ppl like Dhoni and Agarkar start running behind children pleading them to take their autographs and the children have a gala time not giving their autograph books to these fellas. Kinda surprising that none of the senior fellows announced their retirements, taking the cue from Inzamam who totally took the blame of Pak’s bad performance on himself and raised his bat declaring that he’s “well-left” international cricket.
Well, it seems that I’ve successfully managed to complete a post without even mentioning the central idea /theme till now, guess I’ve “well-left”-ed it, will write on it soon :D “Well-Left – 2” will be right around the corner, but do post ur comments on this one, puhleeez.



Current Mood: Bad Hair Day
Current Music: Maroon5 - She will be loved

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At present

He – a student

She – a student

Time : 10:00 AM (on the phone)

He : Hi re, lets meet up ? wat say ?

She : Ok…I am not sure if I should bunk today.

He : hey come on, a cold frappe is the best way to start the day !

She : hehe, yeah.

He : So, it’s a date then :)

She (Smiles) : I guess !

Time : 11:00 AM

At the coffee shop

He – hey, looking damn pretty today !

She just blushes.

She – You smell funny !

He – ya, it’s a mix of ‘Axe’ deo and that stupid anti-dandruff herbal hair oil !

She – You’re weird you know…I like weirdos !

He – You smile a lot you know….I sometimes wonder if it’s because of me….Anyways, wats the plan today ? Wanna watch “Dhoom 2” ?

She – anything’s ok.

He- And before I forget, here are your chocolates…

She (all blushes) – Thank you…and I wont be sharing them !

He – Chalega.

He – And what abt your customary “Blue lagoon” mocktail, when do you plan to have that? before the movie or after ?

She – After! This fellow is so sweet, never forgets to ask me this. I wonder if he’s the one. Why dint I know him a lot earlier? Btw, stop calling at my place with weird aliases like ‘Ace Ventura’ and ‘Laddoo ram’…My mom’s getting suspicious!

He (laughs) – I simply love doin that…. So, looks like I’ve saved you from your ‘Monday blues’ this time…

She – Ya! My friends are all really mad at me, coz you’re making me bunk college all the time ! I’ve missed every Monday this semester you know.

He - Is it !

She – And I am running out of excuses for getting late at home. It’s for you damn it !!!

He – that u’ll manage I know, you’re one evil genius.

She – How rude! Never call a girl evil ok…you can call me an angel you know :) what’s he waiting for? Aint I clear enough !

He – Oh I see ! Devil’s angel :P … Anyways, for today’s excuse, you can say that you helped out a friend who dint know how to spend his money :P

She – Yeah right ! Was I wrong ?

He – Arey serious, I’ve never loved spending so much before you know ! And start bunking Tuesdays too :P

She – hahaha….That’s it ! He’s going to tell me what I am expecting next.

He – And I almost got into a fight today. On my way to meet you, I went up to a guy next to an auto, thought that he was the driver and said “Minerva coffee shop”. He began to give me directions to the place, which puzzled me. I said “Ohh, yeh auto aapka nahin hai kya ?” He took offence to it, saying “main tereko auto wala dikhroon kya re b***** m**** c*** !” and almost gathered a group to beat me up. Thankfully, a bus came close by and I jumped into it.

She (smiling all along) – Only you can do stuff like this ! Btw, look at this pic, me and my baby cousin…doesn’t she look cute.

He – I am not able to decide whose the cute-er of the two :)

She – Is he flirting again? Why is he still hopping around the bushes? Haaa, my cuz of course!…lets go watch the movie.

He- As you say boss.

She – I know he’s shy. He’ll never come out….Should I tell it to him now or not ? I’ve waited for a long time already….. OR….

Time passed, they kept in touch, mainly through the phone coz she had to move out to a different city.

3 years later

At the coffee shop

11:00 AM

He – a manager

She - an artist

She – Hey Hero, you’re looking a l’il off today, what’s the matter ?

He – Nothing re. Just having a cold, that’s all.

She –: Moron ! Stop lying ok ! I can see it in your face that something’s bothering you. Spill it out.

He – Arey. What zabardasti ! I’m telling you that I’m having a cold naa… damn, I guess I am not that good of a cover-up artist after all

She – hmmmph …! He’s never looked so nervy before.

He – We’ve met like after four months and have started off with a quarrel.

She – ok ok ! When did you get here from your place ?

He – Got here just today morning.

She – And came to see me right away ?

He – You said you wanted to meet so I came off…

She – You could have said that u had just come na, u must be tired !

He – forget about that, tell me what was it that you wanted to talk about ?

She whispers something in his ears.

He - What ! You had feelings for me ! When ? Where ? How dint I know ???

She – I was giving you signals all the time, and you never seemed to pick ‘em up. Then came a time when realization dawned on me; that you’re just too innocent and still this jovial little kid… So I stopped, felt we’d be better of as friends.

And it wasn’t just me, even you used to flirt aimlessly, just that you dint know that you were flirting.

He – I always have had this strange belief “Lucky with food, unlucky with love” and it proves right all the time :(

You know , even I liked you a lot. Just that, I dint feel it was proper to rush into things, coz you had just come out of a break-up and I dint want to be the rebound guy. I always felt that the time would come later, so just waited…and time flew…and here we are.

She – Moron ! He hasn’t changed one bit !

At first, I used to see traces of him in you, then I began seeing you in him. That’s why I decided to break up.

He – Ho…my wretched luck. Guess I misunderstood whatever u said, in fact dint understand at all…. And that’s what I intended to tell you now. I felt that too much time had passed and I had to take the first step. Can we start afresh ?

She – I think you’re luck’s gonna change, you’ll have bad food from now on I guess ;)

He – Doesn’t matter, too much of good food is also bad na :P

She (laughs) – Silly fellow !

He – Listen, I’ve directly come from the airport. Need to get home and show my face to mom ‘n dad…My bags are out in the car.

She – What ! Go home right away moron! But I wish you could stay longer.

He – Yea…So, when next ? tomorrow, same place at 5 ?

He – It’s a date then :) Oh god, let this work well this time

She (smiles) – I guess :D…….

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Why in the hell is the male being so numbskullishly eager to get noticed by the cute female, who is in the next cubicle of the 3rd AC compartment (of the Lok shakti express) ? I mean, what does he expect ? that she’ll turn towards him, give a rising smile (may be even wink) and follow it up with a “Hi handsome ! lets go out on a date sometime.” :P

The male hears a voice out of nowhere, looks in the direction from where he hears the voice, but doesn’t find anyone. He’s kinda puzzled, then he’s told by the voice to just look up and listen, so he does that obediently. The voice begins it’s narrative:

“ Don’t u ever forget that cute girls can never fall in love at first sight with ppl who have a waist line of 38 and an eyesight of –0.25 in both the eye balls!

Don’t u ever forget that u are a tamil Brahmin, that u are gonna have an arranged marriage with a female of preferably the same sub-sub-sub sect !

And how did u forget that u’re this huuuuge miser who tries to bargain even in brand showrooms like reebok, u haven’t even bought any clothes for urself in the last 3 years.So, how in the hell will u get the willingness to spend money in such a free flowing way.

Also, should’nt u be considering the fact that even if u get smitten by the gal and somehow do get the urge to splurge, that u don’t have any cash, tht u’re dead broke !

Lets hypothetically consider that despite all this, she does agree to go out on a date with u; how are u gonna pick her up from her place? have u forgotten that despite staying in a city like hyderabad for 21 years, u haven’t learnt how to drive !!! ”

The male interrupts…. “Enuf enuf enuf ! Yes, I guess I am a misfit for the cute female category,but should’nt I have a minute chance, considering that ‘love is blind’!”

“My dear, love may be blind, but it definitely is’nt mentally or physically challenged ok ! So wipe out such possibilities, spread the bedsheet on your side-upper berth and goto sleep.”

Alas ! the luckless male rests in peace, rather in pieces (heartbroken :( )

Current Mood: Bored
Current Music: Hot girls - Inxs

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